Take It All Back (December 16, 2019)

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Do you ever wish that you could take something back?
completely wipe the slate and pretend like nothing happened?
It’s funny how I convinced myself that it was the right thing
told myself that it was empowering and part of healing
tricked myself into thinking that no one would get hurt
But I look around, 
and everyone who I love, everyone who has been there for me, 
is being questioned
Like it’s their fault–they have to deal with another one of my never-ending problems
and it’s not fair
and they don’t deserve it
They deserve the world–one where I’m not their problem
one where I don’t bring them down with me
one where I let them go
But I can’t 
because I’m selfish 
because I don’t want to be alone
because I can’t hold up the crumbling walls by myself
I see their hurt
I see their eyes
I see the destruction that I bring 
But I can’t let them go
I don’t deserve them 
I’m made aware of that every day that they don’t leave
but I wish they would
for themselves 
because I can’t let them go
and no one deserves to have this–me–on their plate

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