Protect Them (December 30, 2019)

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My parents have always tried to protect me
always been my first line of defense
always had my back–even when I was wrong
In return, I never wanted to hurt them
never wanted to cause them more stress–more pain–that they already had
I always wanted to protect them in the same way they did for me
But how can I do that when I can’t even protect myself
When the thing that hurts me the most
isn’t something I can ward off
isn’t something they can help with
isn’t something they can even see
What can I do when the thing that’s killing me is a part of me
ripping away from the inside out
suffocating me
invisible to the world
invisible to me
invisible to them
How can I protect them from the tears that I can’t keep from coming
from wincing as they hear my screams
from sitting on the floor, helpless, watching me gasp for breath
knowing that all they can do is wait it out
But that’s not enough 
it never will be
not when their baby is crashing
not when their little girl is breaking into a thousand pieces in front of their eyes
not when nothing works
nothing helps
not when
not if
not how
just wait

Comments

  1. Sheri w/ an iApril 5, 2021 at 3:25 PM

    I have waited, I have prayed and God has answered my prayers. You have arrived, you have trudged through the hell to get to the other side. And now, you will shine. Shine bright to serve. Shine bright my little star, shine ⭐️

    ReplyDelete

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