My parents have always tried to protect me always been my first line of defense always had my back–even when I was wrong In return, I never wanted to hurt them never wanted to cause them more stress–more pain–that they already had I always wanted to protect them in the same way they did for me But how can I do that when I can’t even protect myself When the thing that hurts me the most isn’t something I can ward off isn’t something they can help with isn’t something they can even see What can I do when the thing that’s killing me is a part of me ripping away from the inside out suffocating me invisible to the world invisible to me invisible to them How can I protect them from the tears that I can’t keep from coming from wincing as they hear my screams from sitting on the floor, helpless, watching me gasp for breath knowing that all they can do is wait it out But that’s not enough it never will be not when their baby is crashing ...
I cried today. I cried in front of someone I would never imagine crying to. My pain pouring out of my mouth with no off switch. What happened to me? I am not someone who complains. I am not someone who burdens others with my problems. I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize myself. Maybe this is who I am now, But I sure as hell don’t like it. I am not weak. I do not cry or complain about my problems to anyone who will listen. My minuscule, irrelevant problems do not compare to others’. When did I become this pathetic, problematic child who can’t handle themself? When did I become this negative, sad person? When did the light in my eyes disappear? When did I become someone who breaks down and gives up at the sight of trouble? When did I stop caring? Did I finally break? Did my glass finally shatter to a point of no return? No, It couldn’t have.
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